Day 6: Yoga

Once upon a time, I did yoga regularly. I loved it. It appealed to me on every level: physically, emotionally, spiritually and socially. It kicked my ass regularly. It amuses me when people assume yoga is just sitting crossed-legged on the floor chanting, "Om." I had a doctor ask me if I exercised. I said, "Yes, I do a lot of yoga." He said, "Okay, that's great, but do you exercise?" I said, "You've never done yoga, have you?"

I met lots of great people at yoga, which was wonderful because it's really hard for me to make friends. I seem to be outgoing, but I'm really not. If I have a "script" of some sort (a meeting, presentation, etc.), I'm really good at getting in front of people and presenting (love it, in fact), but without it I'm helpless. So it came to pass I lived in my former city in Southern California without making so much as a single friend for years until I started taking yoga.

It also helped me slim down and become stronger, but, more importantly, it made me more comfortable in my own skin. As I practiced, I could do things I never imagined I could do (my first handstand was cause for celebration), and I was proud of my body. Not because of what it looked like (though its improvement certainly played a part), but because of what it could do. It was healthy. It felt good.

I did this for about a year and a half, longer than I had ever stayed with any kind of exercise program.

Then my work schedule changed and it became all too easy to not go. If I missed the beginning of the class even by five minutes, I would skip it altogether (it's bad form to walk in late to yoga, because you disturb your fellow yogis), and once I got out of that habit, other good habits like eating well and drinking enough water fell away.

When I moved to San Francisco, I thought I would take it up again. I mean, seriously - you can't throw a rock without hitting a yoga studio. I don't know why you'd want to throw a rock, but still. But my practice never got into gear again. I have lots of excuses, but no good reasons. So all that work I did and all the progress I made disappeared, day by day.

Back to square one for me. And this week when I went to yoga, it was very frustrating. Things I knew I could do before I can't do anymore. My hips are almost freakishly tight, and it's painful to attempt certain poses. Handstands are out of the question, and backbends are almost impossible due to the way my arms are built (they bend funny. Not funny "ha ha" but funny weird). 

Bottom line is I have a choice to make. Do I decide that this is worth it and stick with it? Or do I decide that another form of exercise would be better for me?

I have all month to figure this out. But what I do know is, difficult has more to give than easy. If I want all those benefits I remember from my regular practice, they won't be given to me.

I have to earn them again.

Comments

[Elaine]

I admire people who can do yoga. I wanted to look like you willowy creatures, but I just couldn't do it. My body build is more for things like picking cotton. I think I moved an internal organ while trying. Have you thought of your other choices for exercise? You seem like a good walker too. I really gotta get my butt in gear.

[Keri]

"Moved an internal organ." HEE.

Regarding choices for exercise... See, that's the thing. I don't really "enjoy" exercise. Doing yoga is as close as I've come to enjoying exercise. I tried running. I HATED it. Finally I said, "Why do something I hate?" and stopped.

I'll walk all over the city, though. I love walking. But walking in San Francisco isn't really walking. More like climbing.

Maybe there's an exercise I would love but they just haven't invented yet. I'm sure of it. Probably involves Brie.